Those days never stray from my mind.
In the summer heat, the air was heavy
As we’d walk through fields of tall grass, we’d find
The places where we could truly be free.
The sun filtering through the tress,
Your words bringing a smile to my lips,
A single look from you could make my knees
Weak, my heart flutter, my stomach do flips.
When I close my eyes, I can still see
The light that streamed from yours. Feel your skin
Soft and warm next to mine, hear the melody
of your voice as the light grew dim
And the world grew still, except for us.
These days I feel I’m invincible
Ready to take on the world alone
I break rules, I escape gravity’s pull,
Ready to disprove everything known.
(They all say these are the best days of my life.)
A few years later I have hit my stride
I have a career, I am somebody.
I have accomplishments, family, pride,
I have everything I could want and more.
(I guess maybe these are the best days of my life.)
Now I move slow but with a twinkle in my eye
I’ve lived a long life full of joy and some strife
But when I look in my grandson’s eyes I know
That these are the best days of my life.
I would fight for you with everything I’ve got
With tooth and with nail, shed blood, sweat and tears
With every ounce of muscle, get stabbed, get shot
To protect you from every one of your fears
I’d be your knight, your champion, your hero
And protect you from every evil.
In burning sun, drenching rain, freezing snow
I would carry you up the tallest hill
But I will never fight to possess you
I want you to be with who you want most
I won’t change myself, anything I do
Won’t let my true self disappear like a ghost
I love you enough to let you be free
I’ll wait for someone who’ll love me for me.
Written winter 2015/16
I sit on the hard-packed earth, feeling the chill
of the frozen ground, my warmth seeping out
into the air. A slight pain when my lungs fill
Before smoke billows forward, a silent shout.
There’s a chill in my heart, an empty space.
You were there. You were sick. Now you are gone.
I won’t hear your voice. I won’t see your face.
It’s like sitting in the dark waiting for the dawn-
Knowing it won’t come. The blink of an eye,
That’s all we are. But we are so much more,
The love we give others, the reasons why.
You were my coach. My friend. My mentor.
I’ll keep the memories, the lessons, the fun.
You called me brother. I loved you like one.
It is easy to fall into despair
When you look at your life and can’t tell what
You’ve done that matters. Why anyone should care
If you disappear. When it sinks, your gut,
Realizing that the things you want most
Are always floating just out of your reach.
When it feels your work is nothing to boast
About, that you have nothing you can teach
And it feels like you don’t know anything.
But that just means that you must press onward
And build, grow. You’re young. Your heart might yet sing
With happiness, more beautiful than birdsong.
Life’s a journey you’ve just begun. It’s true.
Never give up on yourself, you’re only twenty two.
The meteor streaking across the sky
Through the dwelling place of uncountable worlds
The rainbow sphere bubble that floats and flies
Tracing invisible currents as they whirl
The flower that is all too quick to wilt
But leaves its fragrance lingering in the air
The laughter of a child, musical lilt
Lost in the moment, joyful beyond compare.
Balance is best achieved in motion
But we can’t stop chasing after eternity
Never stopping to pierce the commotion
To find the truth that will make us free.
Sometimes in life the things most beautiful
Pass through most swiftly, that’s why they’re special.
Some of my best moments are in black night
With you, dreaming of our life together
Heart overflowing with joy, overflowing with light,
Certain that I will love you forever.
I think fondly of the countless moments shared
The feeling of transcendence in your presence,
As if about the rest I never cared
While our hearts beat in perfect resonance.
Life’s trivialities falling away
One man and one woman, time standing still.
Then I wake up and am steeped in dismay;
I’ve not yet met you. Could be I never will.
Until that day I will struggle and serve;
I will fight to become the man you deserve.
I’ve been wandering for years, without a guide,
With no direction, no guiding purpose:
Just passing through life, Never feeling tied
To anything of worth. Living with no fuss
Because I didn’t care about a thing.
But now I see the world through different eyes.
Eyes that have gazed upon you. Eyes that sting
When they look away from you. Now I will fight
For you. I will do all within my power
To see the blinding light that is your smile
To make sure that not one thing will sour
Your day. And if I should fail, all the while,
I’ll be holding your hand- standing with you.
There is nothing else on earth I’d rather do.
It’s the not knowing that really gets you-
Infinite possibilities to sort-
Always wondering which of them is true,
A ship trying to dock without a port.
Not knowing what they say when you leave the room
Not knowing what they think in their mind’s eye
When they smile at you but look away too soon,
Not knowing whether to laugh or cry
And not knowing what to say to tell them
Every feeling swelling in your core
Fighting to burst out: but that’s too sudden.
Hold it back. Don’t let them see that there is more.
Snow smothers the hillside, icy white coat:
The chill has buried itself in my bones-
Almost like an ache-with no antidote.
I lie in bed listening to the tones
Of the city outside of my window,
Not wanting to move, to get up, go on.
Weary of the constant stumbles, I know
Will never end. Not until I am gone.
But that- that is the most important part.
We learn from every misstep, mistake.
So I pull myself from bed with all my heart
And fight for better ev’ry day I wake.
I’ll fight with ev’ry last ounce of strength, it’s true-
I am human. It’s all I can do.