Pain

You asked me why I make my life so hard
I’m not sure it’s like that
Maybe it’s just that I don’t care
That I don’t do anything to stop it
But why?
I guess when one fears the hard times
The burn in one’s arms
The lead in one’s bones
The fatigue that smothers like a blanket
That fear itself
Can do all that and more
Always running from pain
That’s only temporary
That won’t consume my soul.

But maybe it’s not that
Maybe it’s the contrast
The old cliche
No light without dark
I always identify with people who have known pain
In a life full of pleasure, the absence feels like pain
In a life full of struggle, pleasure feels like manna from Heaven
On a journey with no food or drink
Legs aching full of hunger and thirst
The first sight of civilization
The first sip of water, bite of food
These are worth living for
When one returns from a walk home in the cold rain
Fleeing thunder and lightning
Soaked to the bone
And you walk through the door to a warm home
The deep breath
The feeling of peace.

Or maybe it’s to train
For the next shoe to drop
It always will
And that’s ok
To be afraid of pain is to intensify it
But I greet pain as an old friend
Coming for a visit
Who will leave
And one day return again.

The Future

We have to remember
That the future lays before us
Stretching endlessly
Towards… what?
That we’ll never see
And that’s ok
Things begin
Things end
And we don’t know what’s in front of us
Or for how long
But that’s the beauty
The surprise
The joy
The heartache
The pain
The love
It’s a novel we live, not read,
Full of endless possibilities.

Sunrise over the alps and lake Neuchâtel.

Flaws

They say our flaws are what make us human
We’ve more than our fair share.
Pieces broken, splintered
Things we’ve had to bear.

But there can be an odd beauty
In light reflected from broken glass
The sound as it falls to the ground
A torn blanket on green grass

And the pain we feel
It comes and goes
Is replaced by smiles and laughs
One day will return

But we’re still here
Broken pieces and all
Marching on
Till the end.

Superman

I still remember the day
In the pool with the waves
Our parents weren’t around
The lifeguards didn’t see
As you swam for your life
But started loosing

So I came for you
Picked you up
Sank to the floor
Took three steps
And jumped with all my might
Trying to hold you above the water
And repeated until we touched ground
And I held you till they came

And I’ve tried all my life to become Superman
Since we were kids
Someone who could carry the world on their shoulders
And never let it down
But I know I’m flawed: so are you.
I guess that makes us human.

But I’ve made mistakes too
Been too selfish with my time
Too guarded with my love
Too focused on goals
To be fully there
But I hope you knew
Before you were gone
How much of a part
You had in my heart

And I’ve tried all my life to become Superman
Since we were kids
Someone who could carry the world on their shoulders
And never let it down.
But I know I’m flawed: so are you.
I guess that makes us human.

Spinning Around The Sun

I got the call and got in the car
I’m on my way. I promise it will be ok.
What else could I think? What else could I say?
But I felt it, in my heart, the second you went away.
I looked at the clock to remember the time, 11:37,
Just in case it was you. It was.

And the earth has moved 70 thousand miles since you left this world, and I’ve thought about you every second. This rock keeps going on, and so will I, even though thoughts of you still make me cry, like I haven’t since we were four feet tall.

It’s your birthday today and I miss you.
More than you could ever know.
Sometimes even now it doesn’t seem real.
I hope you knew how I felt about you, I knew how you felt about me
And I hope you’d be proud of the way I’ve kept on.

Because the earth has moved 300 million miles since you’ve left this world, and I still think about you every day. This rock keeps going on, so will I, even though thoughts of you still make me cry, like I haven’t since we were four feet tall.

It’s a nice day outside, we’re all together.
It’s been a long time, the kids are almost grown.
They’ve heard stories of the man they’ve never known.
There have been good times, bad times, but more of the first. You haven’t been far, I’ve carried you with me every step of the way.

And who knows how long I’ll still be here? 42 billion miles, each one of them thinking about you. This rock keeps going on, so will I, even though thoughts of you still make me cry, like I haven’t since we were four feet tall.

I’m slower now, my hair is gone, I’ve begun to fade away
But you’re still the same handsome man in my memory.
I’ve lived a life. So many stories I couldn’t tell you.
Life is hard. Life is good.
And I don’t know what’s next
But it’s time to follow you.

I was a young man once

Full of promise, strength, and will

I had a whole life ahead of me

And plans for what do with it.

That’s all behind me now, I can see it

Didn’t turn out quite the way I thought it would be

But yeah, I’m lucky,

I knew a lot that never made it here,

We lost most of the good ones along the way,

You lose them all in the end

And you’re left with people who no longer remember

That you were a young man once.

There’s a lot I never shared with you

So much forgotten along the way

Countless days, wars fought and won

Wars lost too, with no remedy

But to keep moving forward.

Many sorrows along the way, but joy and love too,

Silver and gold threads woven together in the rich tapestry of a life.

I was a young man once

Full of promise, strength, and will

I had a whole life ahead of me

And plans for what do with it.

That’s all behind me now, I can see it

Didn’t turn out quite the way I thought it would be

But yeah, I’m lucky,

I knew a lot that never made it here,

We lost most of the good ones along the way,

You lose them all in the end

And you’re left with people who no longer remember

That you were a young man once.

I guess I’m ready to go now

The kids are grown, their kids too

It’s been good to see, but now you don’t need me

Time to go where I’m supposed to be

A place where my bones don’t hurt

And I can move with ease

A place where I can be with the people who remember that

I was a young man once

Full of promise, strength, and will

I had a whole life ahead of me

And plans for what do with it.

That’s all behind me now, I can see it

Didn’t turn out quite the way I thought it would be

But yeah, I’m lucky,

I knew a lot that never made it here,

We lost most of the good ones along the way,

You lose them all in the end

And you’re left with people who no longer remember

That I was a young man once.

Brothers in Arms

We were together through it all
Every misstep, every fall
Good times, bad times, ups and downs
They haven’t stopped, neither will I

But you were supposed to be here,
we had plans
We were gonna turn the world upside down
Come out on top, win it all,
Go to war together, brothers in arms.

But all it feels a little bit different now
That you’re not standing behind me
I’m the same me I always was
But there’s a little more, and a little less.

You were supposed to be here,
we had plans
We were gonna turn the world upside down
Come out on top, win it all,
Go to war together, brothers in arms.

And I’m not sure how it’s gonna be
The things in the future that I’m gonna see
You’re not the last thing that I’m going to lose
But I had hoped to lose them next to you

But you were supposed to be here,
we had plans
We were gonna turn the world upside down
Come out on top, win it all,
Go to war together, brothers in arms.

I’m not sure you were ever supposed to be here
Sometimes it feels like you had to fight for every second
So many times that you could have slipped away
It’s a miracle that you were here at all

But you were supposed to be here,
we had plans
We were gonna turn the world upside down
Come out on top, win it all
Go to war together, brothers in arms.

But I won’t leave you behind
I couldn’t if I tried
I’ll carry you every step
You’re a part of me.

You were supposed to be here,
we had plans
We were gonna turn the world upside down
Come out on top, win it all,
Go to war together, brothers in arms.

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Moving forward (not moving on)

It still doesn’t quite feel right
Like the world put on a coat two sizes too tight
Like it’s all squeezed, uncomfortable
Close to right, but all wrong

I keep looking at my phone
I keep expecting to hear it ring
Hear your voice saying hey bro, what’s going on?
Do you have time to talk?

The places we were together are a little emptier now.
A little colder. A little quieter.
It’s still weird that you’re not here
We were together our whole lives
You used to never leave me alone

It was supposed to be me and you against the world.
Brothers to the end
We were supposed to go through the tough times together
And the good times too

We had a lot of those.
I guess I’ll have some more to come
And I guess you’ll be there too.
Every Step.
I couldn’t leave you behind if I tried to
So many of the best parts of me are really pieces of you.

Perfect

When we’re still small
We think the world is so big
But our perception of it matches our size.
We think we are bigger than we are
That others watch our every move
That our future hangs on every moment.
I don’t know when I learned it
I don’t know why I ever thought it mattered
I don’t know why sometimes I still do.

And I’m sorry for all the times I was less than perfect
For each false step, each mistake.
And I know you made mistakes too,
I know you didn’t always deserve it,
But perfect is all I ever wanted for you.

We were still just kids
Driving cars too fast
Fools in the best way.
You were the first one I ever wanted
The first one I fell for
But those things don’t last forever
Many of the best things don’t
An important lesson I learned from you.
It wasn’t either of our faults
But it was hard for me to let go.

I finally found something that would last forever.
Settled down. Built a house. Built a life.
And I always wanted more for us
(But was it really just for me?)
And I worked hard for it
Long days, long nights
Away from home
I didn’t always give you my best
And I wasn’t always there for you.

Love. Unfinished.

Those days never stray from my mind.
In the summer heat, the air was heavy
As we’d walk through fields of tall grass, we’d find
The places where we could truly be free.

The sun filtering through the tress,
Your words bringing a smile to my lips,
A single look from you could make my knees
Weak, my heart flutter, my stomach do flips.

When I close my eyes, I can still see
The light that streamed from yours. Feel your skin
Soft and warm next to mine, hear the melody
of your voice as the light grew dim

And the world grew still, except for us.