Tag: Pain

The Vine

The Vine

I think now we had no business being together
I’m not sure what drew me to you
Or, even more, you to me.
I think in the end I was hurt
And I saw the wounds in you
And somehow I thought I could help
And it would help me too.
And really I know I fucked up
I didn’t know the right thing to do
Was oblivious
But damn, did I try
For so long
To find some way to help
To be enough for you.
But it was never going to happen.
So, our time together withered and turned grey
Rotted on the vine
And I wanted so bad somehow to save it
But I had a brown thumb, or two left feet.
I should have let it go years before
Rather than keep cutting off pieces of my flesh
To try to stop the bleeding.

Keep going

Keep going

For some reason I feel like it was Easter
I don’t think it really was
But sometime in the late winter or spring
When you came home
And I saw the looks on your faces
I honestly thought someone died
Some terrible accident
What else could make you look like that?
Shattered.
But then we went to the room
With the big windows
Filled with warm rays of sun
And I sat on the ground
I don’t need a chair
While you told us
How things would change
(But they wouldn’t)
Shattered time
Go to sit alone
Do the work you asked me to do months ago
To distract myself
But in the end I tried to understand
To see it from your eyes
I don’t think it was about me
I don’t think it was about any of us
Some things in us run deep
Cracks in the bedrock we don’t notice until it’s too late
So how could I fault you?
And to this day I do the same

To see from others eyes
Everyone has their reason
For the things they do
Noone is the villain in their own story
And sometimes things are hard
But we don’t control our lives
It’s an endless game of chance
We only control how we respond
How we keep going
I always will.

Pain

Pain

You asked me why I make my life so hard
I’m not sure it’s like that
Maybe it’s just that I don’t care
That I don’t do anything to stop it
But why?
I guess when one fears the hard times
The burn in one’s arms
The lead in one’s bones
The fatigue that smothers like a blanket
That fear itself
Can do all that and more
Always running from pain
That’s only temporary
That won’t consume my soul.

But maybe it’s not that
Maybe it’s the contrast
The old cliche
No light without dark
I always identify with people who have known pain
In a life full of pleasure, the absence feels like pain
In a life full of struggle, pleasure feels like manna from Heaven
On a journey with no food or drink
Legs aching full of hunger and thirst
The first sight of civilization
The first sip of water, bite of food
These are worth living for
When one returns from a walk home in the cold rain
Fleeing thunder and lightning
Soaked to the bone
And you walk through the door to a warm home
The deep breath
The feeling of peace.

Or maybe it’s to train
For the next shoe to drop
It always will
And that’s ok
To be afraid of pain is to intensify it
But I greet pain as an old friend
Coming for a visit
Who will leave
And one day return again.