You asked me why I make my life so hard
I’m not sure it’s like that
Maybe it’s just that I don’t care
That I don’t do anything to stop it
But why?
I guess when one fears the hard times
The burn in one’s arms
The lead in one’s bones
The fatigue that smothers like a blanket
That fear itself
Can do all that and more
Always running from pain
That’s only temporary
That won’t consume my soul.

But maybe it’s not that
Maybe it’s the contrast
The old cliche
No light without dark
I always identify with people who have known pain
In a life full of pleasure, the absence feels like pain
In a life full of struggle, pleasure feels like manna from Heaven
On a journey with no food or drink
Legs aching full of hunger and thirst
The first sight of civilization
The first sip of water, bite of food
These are worth living for
When one returns from a walk home in the cold rain
Fleeing thunder and lightning
Soaked to the bone
And you walk through the door to a warm home
The deep breath
The feeling of peace.

Or maybe it’s to train
For the next shoe to drop
It always will
And that’s ok
To be afraid of pain is to intensify it
But I greet pain as an old friend
Coming for a visit
Who will leave
And one day return again.

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