The first time I went away from home
I think I was not sure of myself
Whether I would find a new home
Whether I was worthy of love
And could find it with people who were not bound to me
By an accident of the time and place of our birth
But I did find friends
And lovers
More than once
Not always perfect fits
But close enough
Everyone has a small piece of the divine spark

And I moved from home to home many times
And always found people whose souls
Would resonate, at least a little, with mine
Until eventually I found myself
Love for me
Just the way I am
But it’s interesting
That since I was young
In some ways I set myself apart
People like to do things for others
It’s one of my favorite things
But somehow I wanted to do things by myself
Never rely on others
I deprive them of the thing I crave most
And I still don’t like to ask people for things
I’d rather figure it out on my own
Do it on my own

I’m not really sure why
It’s not because I fear someone to say no
I have grown comfortable with discomfort
And I feel that I am enough
No matter what others think
I think it’s because I don’t want to trouble others
I fear more that someone would say yes
Despite not wanting to
Or to say no and feel bad
I don’t want to be a burden, to ask for precious pieces of someone that they’d rather keep
But why?

In the end it must come back to me
It always does
Some myth of myself I hold too dear
The easiest one to fool is the one in the mirror
I want to believe
That I am infinite
That I am unbreakable
And I can give out little pieces of myself
Over and over again
And never take something back
Sometimes I really think I am
But somewhere deep inside
I remember times
Where I gave too much
And started to crack
Even if I didn’t let it show
Where there weren’t so many pieces left to give

And so maybe I should try to learn
To protect myself a little
To slow down
To give less freely
And keep some of the important pieces for myself
Or someone who will keep them safe.